I seem to be in a rut of re-reading books I read 30 years ago–first I wallowed in a phalanx of Georgette Heyer books, and then–even more shaming–Jean Auel’s earth children series. See, we are in the Upper Paleolithic era–30 thousand years ago or so, when men were MEN (unless they were Neanderthals, AKA Flatheads) and women were FABULOUS! Ayla is basically that Cosmo Girl except, well, no eyeliner. She is adopted by a Neanderthal tribe! She is sensitive, gorgeous–SUCH long legs, SUCH perfect hair–SUCH WOMAN! But in addition to the somewhat tiresome teen age cavegirl business, the books also contain fascinating descriptions of the plants and animals of that time; careful accounts of of herb lore, and clear descriptions of hunting procedures. They hunted rodents, deer, mammoths, woolly rhinoceroses, aurochs–and used every single bit of the animals they killed: the flesh for food, the hides for shelters and clothes, the bones for implements, the intestines for storing the rendered fat, the stomach for carrying water–fascinating stuff, really. Talk about Paleo diet! And all this against a backdrop of lush primeval forests, vast tundras, glacial lakes–surrounded by magnificent mountains, sky blazing with spectacular stars. Such a vision! Even if not very well written.
Well-the writing may be utilitarian and plodding, but it gets the job done. And the job is telling a story–and however silly, I must admit that the story kept me engaged.
Meanwhile, I came across an entertaining blog called Classic Trash. Nicole Smith, who writes the reviews, was very droll indeed on the subject of Book 1, the Clan of the Cave Bear :
“As far as plot summary, let’s just go with: “totally totally a legitimate description of a bangin’ Cro-Magnon blonde successfully infiltrating a group of fugly Neanderthals”.
More:
“Clan of the Cave Bear is a little like Neanderthal fan fiction, and Ayla is a classic Mary Sue. She fashions a sports bra for herself from a leather thong! She kills hyenas with a sling and a couple of rocks! She can conceptualize numbers greater than three! She has a male totem! She can easily calculate everyone’s share of the tip when you forget to get separate checks. She changes her own oil, and finds the errors in her own H&R Block return. It gets old.” This by the way is all in the book except for the last 3 items.
(http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/clan-of-the-cave-bear-neanderthal-fan-fic)
And then we move onto Book 2, Valley of the Horses, and really, spare our blushes, Mrs. Auel! There is some pretty intense Cro-Magnon hanky panky! However, before Ayla can meet her hero, she first to has to find and provision a new cave, domesticate a horse, tame a cave lion, things like that–which takes about half the book. But once Jondular finally arrives, what larks! And, HEAVENS–let me just say that if enrolled in a ChickPorn competition, Jean Auel and Diana Gabaldon would be, as you might say, neck and neck. Shameless hussies!
Unfortunately, Nicole Cliffe’s Classic Trash review is too coarse for me to quote (she starts by admitting that “I have not seen such CRAZED SMUT since, um, those Anne Rice books that aren’t about vampires.”)–but here is her Jane Austen/Caveman analogy:
“Jondalar is clearly a single man in possession of several leather thongs in want of a mate, and his brother, Thonolan, is SUCH a Bingley (cheerful, never holds a grudge, etc.) Can’t you just picture Bingley getting gored in the groin by a rhino and being all “oh, don’t spoil the party on my account!”
Anyway, I may have to go on to Book 3 (there are SIX of them). Just to find out, you know, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
[…] also this review-written on my other blog. Can’t shut up about this […]
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